Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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