Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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