what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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