how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
