period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
