If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
