I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize