The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
