It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
