I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
