There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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