anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
