Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
