My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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