My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
