I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
