I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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