I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
