turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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