Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
