We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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