did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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