Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
