so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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