Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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