no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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