I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
