I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
