Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
