Life is so much better after having sex.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Randomize
