We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
