just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
