o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
