Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
