: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
