I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
