You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Success! We fucked roommates!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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