Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
