theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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