dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
