I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
