Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
