C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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