you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
