I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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