i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I still have a little drunk in my system
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
