I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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