How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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