I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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