omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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