need another drink. this is the easiest way
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My life is pants optional.
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