you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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