I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
