First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
