this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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