Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
