Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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