Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
