By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
