wrigley field is MILF paradise
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
