Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
